I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
