please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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