More tranny stories later!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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