wrigley field is MILF paradise
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
