i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
