he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
