More tranny stories later!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
