It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
