my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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