I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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