On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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