So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
