you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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