i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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