She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sober January is a disaster.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
