Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
