Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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