don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
