I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
