omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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