He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
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At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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