I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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