I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize