take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
