what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
