Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How external is "for external use only"?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize