great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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