guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
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I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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