God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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