Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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