no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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