true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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