Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
