why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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