everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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