I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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