oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I want her autograph on my taint
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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