she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
