I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
