He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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