Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
