so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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