As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
