um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
