No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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