Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
