i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
