Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
