I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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