Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
