I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
