Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
