I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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