youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
