my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize