I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
