Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
