just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
