mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think i have two assholes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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