He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
