Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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