made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize